Homeward bound

This is it. My last post. As I write this I am sitting in my hotel room in St. Johns, Newfoundland in Canada just one evening away from being reunited with my sweet wife. I have a lot to say, but it may not be interesting as there are no combat tales in this post. What I write today is a reflection on my experience.

A few days ago we had our outbriefing and I looked on the screen in front of the room and the Director of Operations had encapsulated everything we had done as crews for Operation Enduring Freedom. Although I had felt at the time that we had been underutilized, we had accomplished quite a bit for only having three crews and two aircraft. Had missions not cancelled, we could have classified this as a really ball busting deployment, but instead can list it as a somewhat cushy vacation.

I'd really like to tell all of you that I made a difference in the war on terror (I hate that misnomer), but I'd be hyping a load of manure. We worked hard when we flew. The missions we flew on the Horn of Africa were demanding. Most days were 16 hours long. The temperature was routinely 100 degrees at 6 am and many of the legs were 3-4 hours long and we would do four legs in a day. The airspace wasn't too bad, but lots of unknown aircraft and terrible air traffic control. There are other unmentionable things that cannot be said because of their sensitive nature, but it was not a cake walk.

The true workers are the men and women deployed in support of Air Expeditionary Operations that spend their entire deployment in places like Djibouti, Bagram, Balad, Al Udeid. They are under threat every day and put up with miserable conditions and I want all of you to think of them instead of me.

I really enjoyed my time with my crew. They are the BEST crew I have ever had the privilege of flying with. I am not kissing as because they may read this blog. They won't because no one on the deployment has the link and most don't even know about it. Every one of them flew like a professional no matter what the heck was thrown at us. We had a new copilot and navigator and a first time deployer as a loadmaster (he raced across the desert in 03 as a Marine munitions troop re-arming Cobra gunships). We had many opportunities for Murphy to bite us in the ass and it never happened because we all looked out for each other and performed as one unit. Early on someone nicknamed us "Team Varsity" and it really stuck. We broke one time and you read the post about it. We got a waiver, got back to the DJ and had it repaired and finished the mission. Talking with the Navy SEALS we support they really appreciated us pushing it to the limit.

I am fiercely proud of my crewmates. They deserve credit and I will now take the opportunity to give it to them. I processed the awards and decorations (medals) for everyone on this deployment, but if I had to write citations for individual awards this is some of what I'd say about my teammates.

Major Roark Endlich- An arrogant son of a bitch, but he took damn good care of the crew. He put pressure on you to get the mission done and learned quickly that he didn't need much as we were high speed. He had a can do attitude and always pushed it to the limit, but at the end of the day you knew that everyone respected the job you'd just done because they knew you would do whatever it took to get the mission done and support those on the front lines.

Captain Travis Adams- I'd run through a wall of flames to get this man out of a burning plane. He is a competent pilot, but he is definitely one of the finest aircraft commanders I have ever worked with. He didn't get in my business or tell me what to do. He listened to me and let me do my job 120 %. I gave him the facts and let him make the decisions and he always made the right ones. He went to bat for us everytime, NO EXCEPTIONS. When I wanted to go to the plane and get it ready instead of having breakfast because they didn't alert us at a reasonable hour, he said, "plan for extra weight with that breakfast your going to eat." He never ordered you directly, he just had a way of making you want to do it that way.

Captain Joe Bennington- He was on his game. He had a lot of learning to do and a difficult environment to do it in. He backed us all up and asked a lot of questions about what was going on. He had questions for me as an experienced Non-commissioned officer about how things worked between me and an aircraft commander. He will make a great aircraft commander one day and I would fly with him in the shit any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

First Lieutenant Phil Bledsoe- For some reason this guy who is 12 years my junior has earned my complete respect and admiration. He gets the job done and never breaks a sweat (except in the morning in Djibouti before takeoff). He's a new navigator and yet he performed like he'd been at it awhile. He was always thinking ahead and had things done way before they needed to be. He'd load the secrets in the combat tracker and mode four, the  pilots never had to lift a finger with the flight plans or routing. The guy is a natural. He worked hard and he played even harder. He knows the value of having a good time when we're not flying and can put his game face on when it's time for business. I never EVER worried about accidently bumping into an evening thundershower because he was always on top of it. He kept us out of restricted airspace and around thunderstorms. I couldn't spill my diet coke if I tried due to turbulence associated with the storms we were skirting.

Master Sergeant Shawn Gardner- The other old man on the crew. He was my voice of reason for all the wrong we saw. We've both been at it a long time and he just kept me grounded. He could load anything that the 130 could carry. Many times we got a crazy object to load and he just did it. More than once he saved a mission that someone said couldn't be done with his can do attitude. We never waited on Shawn to take off. He could get us out of the assualt strip in under 20 minutes most days and the one time we had to shut down it was because God couldn't have loaded that air conditioner during an engine running offload!!!! He taught me so much about what happens behind the cockpit and how loadmasters operate the 130. I have a lot of respect for what the loads do in the aircraft. It's not like packing your car. If grenades and bullets get loaded together and an enemy round would have made it through our armor it would have been good bye Charly as my mother-in-law says.

Last, but not least, Staff Sergeant Michael Culp- Marine to the Corp, pun intended, he took all the bullshit in stride because he has had it a lot worse than any Air Force crew will ever have it. He took every opportunity given to him to grow as a loadmaster and he soaked up as much knowledge as Shawn could dish out. He took leadership and got things done when Shawn was handling another crisis and we never had a late takeoff because he was waiting for direction. I admire his work ethic and his abilities as a loadmaster. He and Shawn are the two loadmasters I want sitting in the troop doors riding the harnesses looking for missiles and rocket propelled grenades when we take off in a hostile area.

I have a profound love for each of these guys and a respect that cannot be given it must be earned. They earned it easily and I don't know what I'll do next Christmas when I'm flying in Afghanistan without them.

Which brings me to my op ed piece.

Today I watched an interview with the first living Medal of Honor recipient since Vietnam. Staff Sgt. Salvatore Giunta. He is as humble as any who have earned the medal before him. What he did is heroic. I am in awe of what he did and what he stands for. He deflected any praise for himself and put it on the others involved in the fire fight that day. That's what real heroes do. They never think that what they did was important or newsworthy. I completely understand his point that it is what he was trained to do and was just doing his job.

That is all I have done. I will never be a hero and it's important to say that. I am just a regular guy who was looking for a cool job and found it. I would probably run like a coward if faced with what SSgt Giunta was facing. I would definitely be thinking self preservation as most of us would. I am ok with that. I accept that and am proud of what I have done in the service, but as I have said to friends who think that what I do is heroic, "If I am a hero then what are the men and women who have suffered and lost in battle?" What are all of those soldiers, sailors, airmen and marines who reside in Walter Reed Medical Center who are trying to put their life back together? They are the heroes.

I will say that many of us who serve in harms way are a special breed. My family will never know the bond that I have with those I fly with. Until now, the guys I have flown with over the years knew more about me than my family or friends. The men and women of the US Armed Forces do what many are unwilling, or unable, to do. They are the one percent that get out of bed at all hours of the night and day, everyday, and stand watch over the citizens of the United States and our Allies. Many who were serving on September 11th, myself included, watched with horror as the events of that day unfolded. Many citizens say their lives have changed forever, but I see little evidence of that.

I do see how life has changed for those of us in uniform. We deploy every year for anywhere from four months to a year. We leave our families behind to pick up the pieces of our lives when things go wrong. My wife had a very sick dog to lovingly heal back to health (he's practically our kid) as well as fix things around the house, make decisions concerning both of us and just getting up everyday and doing her job as well. Others have lost pets on this deployment, had medical issues at home and other disasters. We don't get to go home because of that. We have to get on a plane and fly knowing that our beloved pet is on the brink of death and yet the mission comes first. One of the people I deployed with has a wife at home who is having a hard time as this is his fifth deployment in five years.

I am not asking for sympathy, just acknowledgement that those of us who choose to do this do so willingly despite the setbacks and pain we have to deal with in our daily lives and that it is so damn tough. I don't want 20% off. I don't want free tickets to a ball game or a standing ovation. What I want is for the public to say thank you to those vets that don't get the public attention I have gotten on this deployment. My face plastered on a 30 second segment of Armed Forces Network doesn't even begin to tell the story of what went on behind the scenes.

As the last night with the guys approaches I feel a sense of excitement at seeing my wife, but also a tinge of sadness about not seeing the guys I've lived and worked with for 126 days on Saturday when I wake up. For me the task ahead is to become reaquainted with my wife and be the best husband, and a better citizen, in the months to come.

This quote by Samual Adams, a founding father and signer of the Declaration of Independence, in my mind, spells out what it means to be an American:

"It is not unfrequent to hear men declaim loudly upon liberty, who, if we may judge by the whole tenor of their actions, mean nothing else by it but their own liberty, - to oppress without control or the restraint of laws all who are poorer or weaker than themselves. It is not, I say, unfrequent to see such instances, though at the same time I esteem it a justice due to my country to say that it is not without shining examples of the contrary kind; - examples of men of a distinguished attachment to this same liberty I have been describing; whom no hopes could draw, no terrors could drive, from steadily pursuing, in their sphere, the true interests of their country."

Stand up for the rights of others as if they were your own for one day they just may be yours at stake. I do it everyday and will continue to do so for as long as I can. Be a good citizen and get involved wherever you can. I thank the power that created the universe everyday that I have been able to serve in the capacity that I do and feel privileged to do it alongside some of the best men and women America has ever seen. I thank all of you for giving me the opportunity to share some of my experiences with you. I also want to say that it really means a lot to me knowing that many of you think about us as we conduct our daily operations. I ask that you continue to think of the men and women I leave serving on active duty in harms way and keep them in your prayers.

Good luck in all of your endeavours and I hope that your life is as rich and full as mine has been and will be. Take care of yourselves. I hope to see many of you in the year to come.